


things you said

by kittymannequin



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2019-07-05 20:25:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 8,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15871119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittymannequin/pseuds/kittymannequin
Summary: It's the little things, between them, that matter most. The soft words uttered for no one else to understand.





	1. things you said at 1 am

“I just… Can I please come in?” Clarke asks, her voice small and shy, the look in her eyes a mixture of sad and nervous.

Lexa crosses her arms and leans against the door frame. 

“It’s one in the morning Clarke.” She’s as calm as ever, her words calm and reserved even if, deep inside, she’s so far from it. 

Clarke sighs, glancing to the side. “I know, I’m, god, I’m sorry.” She clenches her fists and slips her hands inside her jacket pockets. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come.” She starts turning to leave but Lexa’s words stop her.

“Why are you here?” 

Clarke doesn’t turn around, not just yet. She takes a second, two, until that second turns into a minute of silence as she wrestles her thoughts and tries to form a coherent enough sentence with the mess that’s currently happening in her mind. Lexa gives her time, and it’s so much more than Clarke could have hoped for, so when she does finally turn around, another minute or so later, Lexa’s eyes are soft upon her and she sees her worry her lip between her teeth, a tick Lexa only has when she’s nervous and worried. 

“I’m here because I... “ Clarke starts and her breath catches in her throat, the words seemingly too heavy for her to finally say them. But it took her so long to finally realize them, sometimes it feels like it’s been a lifetime of coming to a realization and now that she finally understands what her heart’s been trying to tell her for years, the words feel both heavier and lighter at the same time. 

Lexa cocks her jaw the way she’s always done it and Clarke is momentarily mesmerized by that tiny movement that she almost forgets what she came there to do. But Lexa’s eyes bore into her own and she swallows through the lump in her throat, forcing herself to finally, for once in her life, put her feelings out there, past the walls she’s so carefully built. 

“Because I love you, Lexa.” The words come out as a half-whisper and with them Clarke feels the all the weight lift slowly off her shoulders, the guilt and doubt release their vice grip and finally the walls around her heart begin to crumble. 

And then the words come pouring out. 

“I’m here because I love you, Lexa, and I think, no, no, I know I’ve been in love with you ever since you pushed me into that muddy puddle when we were ten years old I just, god, I fucked up and I should have realized sooner, I should have been a better friend, a better fucking person but I’m not and I wouldn’t wanna have anything to do with me if I was you and fuck, I, I really should go because I’ve been nothing but horrible to you and I couldn’t possibly hope you’d-”

But her words are cut off when Lexa’s hands grab at her shirt, tugging her close as she slams their lips together, kissing all the breath out of Clarke. She gasps for air between kisses when Lexa’s teeth catch on her lips and when she feels Lexa pull her all the way inside her flat, slamming the door shut and pushing her against it, Clarke forgets how to breathe altogether. 

“Love me.” Clarke finally gets to finish her sentence a minute or so later when Lexa’s lips finally leave hers for longer than a second and their foreheads touch, ever so softly, as Lexa’s hands still, gently cupping her face. 

“I do.” Lexa whispers into another kiss and Clarke chalks it up to hope, nothing but hope playing tricks on her hearing, but then Lexa murmurs ‘ _ I do Clarke, I love you’  _ and it’s not just hope anymore. 

Suddenly, it’s everything. 


	2. things you said through your teeth

It’s dark, it’s late and Lexa’s been at uni all day, going from one class to another, studying - or at least trying to - in between, barely having thirty minutes to sit down and eat a measly sandwich for lunch and now she’s here, out in the stupid park with nothing but an already damp t-shirt and only shorts on. Her bag’s in her hands as she tries to protect her notebooks and library books from getting wet in the rain that just so happened to start falling mere ten minutes ago.

“Where the fuck are you?” She mutters to herself, walking down the path towards the dorm buildings, one moment glaring at her phone, the next glaring at her surroundings, or lack thereof, if the darkness surrounding her is anything to go by. 

Nights come quickly when summer is over and Lexa never did enjoy walking around campus after ten in the evening, especially not when she’d planned to spend the night at the library, studying for one of her biggest midterms. 

That is, until she got a text from a mildly inebriated Octavia, notifying her that Clarke is out drunk somewhere on campus and she’s got some booty to catch or whatever it is that the gibberish in the text said and there was nobody looking out for Clarke. 

Of course, Lexa being herself, panicked the moment she finished reading the message, packed her things with fervor and ran out as fast as she could. Only, that was nearly an hour and a half ago and she still hasn’t managed to find Clarke. The fact that the campus is huge doesn’t really help at all and she’s out of her wits by now, slowly getting soaked, slightly shivering but most of all, worried because - because it’s Clarke. 

And Lexa can’t even imagine a world where that stupid set of gorgeous stupid blue eyes isn’t looking at her every day or that stupidly beautiful blonde hair isn’t swaying stupidly whenever Clarke cocks her head in that stupid, adorable way. 

No, Lexa can’t imagine a life where Clarke doesn’t exist so she’s out in the rain, instead of studying for what may just be a life-changing exam, with the time on her watch nearing midnight, and a worry in her heart that nothing except the sight of Clarke safe and sound will put at ease.

Just as she’s about to take a couple of last steps out the small park and round the corner to the library building,  _ again _ , she hears … Something, a small noise, whimpering or sobbing she can’t really tell, but she stops in her tracks, trying to recognize the direction from which the sound is coming from. A second later another sound follows and she immediately realizes it’s coming from the infamous ‘lovers’ bench’, that one stupid bench that every park has that’s somehow stupidly hidden from sight, pushed between a tree and some taller bushes, obscured from sight and the lamp lights. 

Lexa all but jumps towards the bushes, her bag nearly falling from her hands as she pushes her way through the tiny passage between branches and as she stumbles forward she comes face to face with a crying Clarke who looks just about ready to jump her and possibly kick her out of fear.

“Lexa!” She cries out not even a second later and jumps into Lexa’s arms, clinging onto her for dear life as her arms wrap around Lexa’s shoulders and she cries into her neck, her sobs loud and her words muttered and incoherent.

Lexa slips her arms around Clarke’s waist immediately, pulling her down to the bench and trying to soothe her so she can understand what Clarke is trying to say.

“Hey, it’s okay, I’m here, Clarke, I’m here.” She murmurs, running her fingers through Clarke’s hair as she still holds on to her waist with the other. “Are you okay? Were you hurt?” 

Clarke sobs out loud at that question and the worry in Lexa’s heart grows exponentially, her thoughts immediately flying to all sorts of harassment and assault that may have happened to Clarke while she was alone out. 

“Clarke, hey, please, talk to me, tell me what happened.” Lexa pleads, her voice soft as she pulls away just barely, enough to cup Clarke’s face and force their eyes to meet.

“Lexa,” Clarke tries to push herself close, to cling to Lexa again but then Lexa murmurs ‘please’ and Clarke fights to stop the cries. The alcohol is evident, on her breath, in her eyes and the way the sparkle despite the clear need to close them and just sleep it off, but she pushes on as Lexa stares at her with worry and affection. “Finn, he-”

“Did he do something to you?” Lexa interrupts, tensing at the mention of his name. 

Clarke shakes her head. “O and I, we’ve been-” Clarke hiccups and Lexa would find it adorable if not for the fact that Clarke getting drunk is becoming a  _ more often than not _ occurrence, and nothing about her in this state is adorable anymore. “Been drinking,” She finally finishes her sentence, “The party was, uh, it was great but Finn,” Clarke’s eyes water as she says his name and Lexa fights the urge to clench her fists in rage, “He saw me dancing with Bell and called me a, a whore Lexa, said I was cheating and you know I’d never, fuck, I know he’s a dick and-” Clarke hiccups again and this time Lexa has to steady her as she nearly tips over, the effects of alcohol clearly not letting up. “I know he cheated on me with that chick last weekend but Lexa, fuck, I-”

“Just shut up Clarke.” Lexa seethes, her words bitter and cold as they seep through her teeth, cutting through whatever else Clarke was going to ramble. “Just shut up ‘cause I’ve spent, fuck, nearly two hours looking for you all over the fucking campus, I thought you were lying somewhere in a fucking ditch ‘cause I don’t trust your shitty ass boyfriend and Octavia’s apparently too drunk to care and you-” She stops, trying to bite her tongue not to speak but the words just come pouring out. “You tell me you left the party, drunk off your fucking mind because you had  _ yet another fight _ with your fucking boyfriend who’s nothing but a cheating, lying, abusive piece of shit and you’re crying here because you’re sorry?!” 

The words seem to cut through Clarke’s drunken haze and she flinches at the strength in them, her sobs now mere whimpers as she slowly starts curling in on herself. 

Lexa pushes herself up, extending a hand to Clarke but she won’t even look at her, her gaze set away from Clarke. When she feels Clarke’s hand finally land in her own she tugs and pulls her up, all but dragging her through the bushes and towards their dorm room. 

She doesn’t say a word all the way there, doesn’t even comment on Clarke’s stumbling and tripping, she only helps keep her up but doesn’t even glance in her direction once.

As soon as she’s unlocked the door she ushers Clarke inside, helps her get out of the already wet clothes and into pajamas, tucks her in and readies a glass of water and some pills beside her bed. She finally meets Clarke’s eyes when she’s already changed out of her own wet clothes and she’s standing at the door again, and Clarke finally decides to speak up.

“Where are you going?” She half-whispers, clutching the blanket in her arms. 

Lexa looks over her shoulder, barely meeting her eyes with her own tired ones, murmuring as she opens the door. 

“Library. Got-”

“Civil procedures.” Clarke murmurs, unsure of her own guess until Lexa nods. “I’m sorry I kept you from stu-”

“It’s fine, Clarke.” Lexa sighs, stepping out. “See you tomorrow.” 

It’s only when the door closes and she hears Lexa lock them from the outside that Clarke lets the tears fall again, muffling the sound in her pillow until she finally falls asleep hours later, her thoughts never once leaving her best friend and the sadness she saw in her eyes. 


	3. things you said too quietly

“Lexa!” 

The familiar voice and her name shouted from across the field have Lexa looking up in the direction of the sound and she can’t help the smile that spreads over her lips as she’s met with the sight of blonde hair swaying with each hurried step she sees her best friend make on her way over.

“Hey, Clarke.” She says as her heart speeds up when their eyes meet and Clarke plops down on the grass right next to her, all up close and personal as their legs touch and Clarke’s head falls down on her shoulder. Lexa laughs at her antics, trying to settle her thumping heart down even though she knows it’s futile, especially when Clarke nuzzles her neck and lets out a soft sigh that puffs against her skin in the most teasing of ways. “Wha- what’s up?” She stutters over her words, hoping Clarke won’t tease her about it and settles more firmly against the tree she was leaning on. 

“I don’t think I can do this anymore.” Clarke mumbles, all drama and flair as she flails her arms over her head before dropping down to lay half across Lexa’s lap, looking up at her with the warmest of smiles. 

“Do what anymore, Clarke?” Lexa smiles down at her, setting her notebook on the side as she runs a hand softly through Clarke’s hair. “What’s got your panties in a twist?” Lexa tests the silly line, knowing it’ll most certainly be the cause of her favorite sound, if she’s lucky enough.

And as if right on cue, Clarke laughs out, warm and unrestrained, and Lexa’s heart all but jumps to her throat from the excitement and the way the sound fills her up with joy. 

“Who, not what.” Clarke then murmurs, shyly, as she glances to the side, not meeting Lexa’s eyes.

Lexa stares at her in confusion. “Clarke Griffin, what are you talking about?” 

It’s only when Clarke sits up, ever so close to her, that Lexa realizes this might not be one of their usual silly conversations, or Clarke’s typical Thursday dramas at recess. It hits her hard when she sees the blush in Clarke’s cheeks and the way she bites her lower lip that this might be something entirely different.

“Wells asked me out to a movie.” Clarke mumbles, fingers twisting the hem of her t-shirt as she finally meets Lexa’s eyes. “I said yes.” 

And this time Lexa’s heart doesn’t jump, it barely even twitches as she takes in Clarke’s smile and the sparkle in her eyes as she murmurs something else about her movie date with Wells and something that sounds awfully close to ‘I think I really like him, Lex’ but Lexa doesn’t really hear any of it. 

Not when she’s too busy telling herself what an idiot she’s been for waiting all this time. 

She’s about to finally say something not to look like a complete jackass but she only manages a sheepish smile and a stupid, really bad thumbs up when the bell rings and Clarke is already off, running back towards the entrance.

Lexa is left there, picking up her notebooks and her bag, stuffing the things inside as the words leave her mouth, barely there, hardly above a whisper.

“Why couldn’t it be me?” 


	4. things you said over the phone

“Hey Lex.” Clarke answers her phone, her lips already curled in a soft smile from when she saw the caller ID. Lexa’s name on her phone had always been a sight for sore eyes and today is certainly not an exception, especially with the long day she’s had at the hospital and how tired she really feels after working nearly sixteen hours. 

“ _ Hey, Clarke.”  _

The moment Lexa speaks, Clarke’s brows furrow at… Something. She can’t really place it, maybe it’s because Lexa sounds just a little more excited than usual, or maybe a little jittery too, but there’s just something odd about the way she says those two small words that make Clarke’s inside all fuzzy and weird, and not in a good way.

“Hey, everything okay?” She asks, slowly walking outside the hospital to take a seat on one of the benches she spotted free a few moments earlier.

“ _ About that…”  _ Lexa starts and from the way she draws out her words Clarke can tell with certainty that everything is most definitely not okay. “ _ I-”  _

“Lex, did something happen?” Clarke interrupts, unable to help herself as her fear and worry get the better of her.

“ _ Well, actually, I don’t think I’ll be able to go through with our plans tonight.”  _ Lexa says and Clarke finds herself breathing out a small sigh, even though she still has no idea what seems to be happening.  _ “I kind of got into an accident.”  _ Lexa finally finishes and Clarke’s breath hitches as she all but jumps up from the bench.

“What do you- What kind of accident?! What do you mean kind of?!” She’s shouting in her phone, she knows it and she knows everyone walking by or sitting around can hear her but Clarke couldn’t possibly care less, not when it’s Lexa she’s talking about. “Are you okay? Oh my god Lexa, how badly are you hurt?” 

“ _ Whoa Clarke, slow down, easy there. Breathe baby, it’s okay, I’m okay.”  _ Lexa practically murmurs through the phone and Clarke actually realizes she’s swooning over the term of endearment Lexa used when she remembers she still hasn’t been told everything and the panic is momentarily back.

“Lex-” 

“ _ Shhh.”  _ Lexa actually shushes her this time and Clarke’s brows furrow at the sound. Oh she is so getting back at her for that. “ _ Just calm down baby, okay? I’m alright, nothing too big or scary, they’re actually taking me over to Arkadia so you can come see me in a few?”  _

Clarke perks up at that and only then notices an ambulance approaching the side gaze of the hospital parking lot. She assumes it has to be Lexa because she said it was nothing too big and the ambulance arrived without any sirens so either it’s empty and she has to wait a little longer or it’s Lexa’s ambulance. 

“Okay I think I see you guys, I’ll be over in a min.” Clarke says, grumbling as she does so. “You better have an explanation for me.” 

“ _ I will.”  _ Lexa says, all sweet and caring and Clarke can’t help but swoon a little yet again because damn that woman and her voice and the way she knows precisely what to say to make Clarke relax momentarily.

Clarke ends the call and rushes to the side entrance, waving to the medics as they park in front of the door. When she walks around to the door and they push it open from inside, she is met with the sight of Lexa sprawled on one of the beds with a really bad-looking cut on her forehead.

The panic is back within seconds.

“Lex!” Clarke calls out as she tries to scramble inside but the medics usher her away, wheeling the cart with Lexa on it outside the van and towards the hospital. “What happened?” Clarke asks as she finally steps close to her, taking Lexa’s hand in her own and rubbing soft circles over her knuckles as she stares at her face and examines the cut with her other hand. “How did this happen?” 

“Some guy t-boned her a few blocks away, she’s lucky he hit the other side and all she got was a really close meeting with the side window ‘cause otherwise…” 

Clarke gasps, reaching out for Lexa and wrapping her arms around her. 

“That’s not  _ nothing too big _ !” She parrots Lexa’s own words back at her, all worry and nerves. “You could have easily… God Lexa.” 

The medics have already moved away, giving them some spaces seeing as Clarke is a well known doctor and it certainly looked like they needed privacy and Clarke doesn’t even hesitate a second to nuzzle Lexa’s neck and press soft little kisses there and over her jaw until their lips meet in a soft kiss. She slowly pulls back, palming Lexa’s face softly and staring into her eyes with the most awed expression, for god knows what reasons because it’s only been a month or so since they’ve finally started dating and really, Lexa is alright and okay, maybe Clarke exaggerated just a  _ teeeeeny tiny bit _ but the mere thought of something actually serious happening to Lexa scares her more than anything ever could.

“You called me baby.” Clarke murmurs, her voice barely above a whisper as her lips spread in a goofy smile. “Twice.” 

Lexa chuckles, despite the oncoming headache she can already feel spreading through her head. 

“I did, yes.” 

Clarke’s lips then spread even wider. 

“You’re such a softie for me.” She murmurs, leaning in to brush their lips together. “Baby.” 

A clearing of a throat on the side startled them slightly and Clarke dropped her hands, turning around swiftly.

“Excuse us, doctor Griffin, but we have to take her in to get checked out just in case she might have a concussion from the hit.” 

Clarke nodded, walking along. 

“Of course.” 

When they were inside, Clarke leaned in to whisper in Lexa’s ear.

“I’ll wait for you and take you home, you’re gonna have to be under some supervision anyway and who better than me?” She grinned before walking off, leaving Lexa to stare at her in a daze.


	5. things you didn't say at all

Clarke stares at her phone, thinking she can somehow maybe will it to life, make it so the message she so hopes for comes through but the more she stares the more she realizes it’s far from happening and all her attempts at telekinesis have come up short.

She’s never been good with patience, but Clarke certainly tries.

Not that she actually believes her staring will do her any good but still, Clarke stares at the damned phone until the sound of keys unlocking the door startles her and her head whips up precisely when the doors open and Lexa steps inside.

“Lexa.” Clarke lets out in a half-whisper, their eyes meeting as Lexa notices her.

The silence that follows in the couple of minutes that Lexa walks in, sets her bag down by the shoe cabinet and takes off her jacket and boots, until she walks over to the kitchen and pours herself a glass of water is probably the most deafening silence Clarke has ever gone through.

She wants to speak up, wants to say something, anything, but she knows that after all that’s happened, she can’t be the one to speak again. The ball is in Lexa’s court and if Lexa has decided on silence, then Clarke will comply with it.

She’s about to push herself off the couch and go hide away in her bedroom, her eyes already filling up with tears she knows will come the moment she closes her bedroom door, but Lexa’s quick on her feet, taking the few steps over and grabbing Clarke’s wrist just as she’s about to leave the living room and head down the hall.

“Lex-“

And then Lexa’s lips are on Clarke’s, her phone slips out of her hands, slamming to the floor as she stands frozen, unmoving and dazed, until the gears in her brain finally shift back into life and she catches up with what’s happening, momentarily kissing Lexa back as her hands move to Lexa’s hip.

She doesn’t get to enjoy it long though, not when Lexa pulls back not even a moment later, resting her forehead on Clarke’s and breathing her in.

“Lexa, what are-“

“Just shut up Clarke.” Lexa whispers, catching her breath and pushing them towards Clarke’s bedroom, making Clarke stumble and steadying her as she walks backwards. “Don’t say a word.”

“But-“

“God, Clarke, for once in your life please, just, keep that damned, stupid, pretty mouth shut and let me do this!” Lexa growls as she all but slams Clarke against the nearby wall, making her flinch slightly as her shoulders collide with it.

She looks up at Lexa, their eyes finally meeting, and finally notices the tears brimming in Lexa’s eyes and the slight tremble of her lower lip. Her hands fly up to cup Lexa’s face not even a second later and she cradles it in her palms, thumbs softly grazing over her cheeks until the tears spill over. Clarke is quick to gather them, smearing them over Lexa’s skin until she leans up and presses the softest of kisses to her lips.

“Not like this, Lexa.” Clarke murmurs between gentle pecks. “I… I know I fucked up just, please.” She pulls back, staring into Lexa’s eyes. “Talk to me.”

But Lexa shrugs her off, moving away from her touch and turning on the spot as she heads back to the kitchen, leaving Clarke to stand in the hall with her head pressed back against the wall and her own tears finally falling.

She’s never been good with patience, but this time around, Clarke knows she’ll need plenty of it.


	6. things you said under the stars, in the grass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lazy nights and warm conversations.

Clarke stretched her arms above her head, fingers winding through the grass before she settled her arms behind her head and a lazy smile spread over her lips. She took in the scene in front of her eyes, the night sky filled with stars, the different colours seemingly flowing from on to the other as the faint trace of the Milky Way shone upon her. 

She pulled one arm from behind her head and reached up, as if trying to grab for the stars, or at least touch them for a moment, but then warm fingers reached for her own, lacing them together, and she finally glanced away from the sky, looking at Lexa who was sprawled right next to her.

“Hey.” Clarke murmured, smiling when Lexa brought their joined hands to her mouth and pressed a feather light kiss to Clarke’s knuckles. 

“Hi.” Lexa said back, eyes focused on Clarke’s as she pulled her free hand behind her head but her gaze remained on Clarke. 

“What are you thinking about?” Clarke asked, her hold tightening around Lexa’s fingers as she marvelled Lexa’s eyes and the way the seemed to shine even brighter, despite the fact that the only light around them came from the moon and the stars above them.

“You.” Lexa murmured cheekily, grinning when Clarke tried to swat at her with their joined hands. 

“Rude.” 

Lexa yawned then, tilting her head to look up. Clarke hesitated for just a moment before pushing herself up slightly and rolling over, closer and closer, until she was pressed fully to Lexa’s side. 

“Hi.” She said again, grinning when Lexa rolled her eyes.

“Hi there.” 

“So, what are you thinking about?” 

Lexa contemplated her answer for a moment, thinking of maybe saying the same thing, just to tease Clarke even more but as her eyes fell down to Clarke’s lips briefly before going back to her eyes, Lexa decided she’d teased Clarke enough. 

“I’m thinking about how wonderful this whole summer has been and how much happier I’ve become in the past few months.” 

Clarke hummed in response. 

“I couldn’t have imagined being here, with you, half a year ago. This all seemed a lifetime away, you know?” 

Clarke nodded. 

“And now we’re here and I… I’m happy, Clarke. I’m thinking how happy I am and I just- I’m so happy.” 

Clarke pressed closer, nuzzling Lexa’s neck as she all but rolled herself fully on top of her. 

“Me too, Lex.” She murmured, pressing a soft, open mouthed kiss to Lexa’s neck before settling her head back down on Lexa’s shoulder. “I don’t think I’ve ever been happier.” 

Lexa sighed, squeezing Clarke’s fingers.

“I know it took us a very long time to get here and god knows we’ve both done some really shitty things and we’ll probably make more mistakes in the future but, all that has brought us here and I couldn’t have possibly ever imagined we’d be where we are now.” 

It was silent for the next few minutes, just the sound of crickets around them, the gentle wind swaying the trees and for the first time in years, both Lexa and Clarke found the silence calming, rather than stifling. 

After a while though, Lexa spoke again.

“I love you, Clarke.” She tilted her head to meet Clarke’s gaze again. “Don’t you forget that.” 

“Never.” Clarke only whispered in reply, reaching over to press a soft kiss to Lexa’s lips. 


	7. things you said while we were driving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> feels incoming

“So I was thinking we could stop by at that place you really love.” Lexa murmurs, hands gripping the steering wheel as the glances over at Clarke, her lips already stretched in a smile. “The italian one just outside the city.” 

Clarke reaches over to place a hand on Lexa’s thigh, squeezing softly. 

“I’d really like that.” 

As soon as Lexa turned to look at the road again, a warm kind of silence enveloped them, one that needed no words to mar it. They’d grown accustomed to staying silent around one another, especially with the little one around and his strange sleeping patterns, so the rare moments of silence they were actually given, were something truly treasured.

Clarke glanced over her shoulder, peering over at the small boy slouched adorably in his little car seat and sleeping soundly. The radio played along softly in the background, Lexa humming along it and Clarke couldn’t, for the life of her, think of a moment more serene than the one they found themselves in.

Lexa proposed a trip out to Abby’s summerhouse, just for the weekend to get them both finally together in one place for longer than a mere afternoon. Work had been excruciatingly busy for the both of them and whenever either would come home, Aden required their attention and, as much neither of them truly minded, both Clarke and Lexa missed just being around and with each other.

Clarke is shaken out of her thoughts when she feels a warm hand settle on her thing and she glances down just as Lexa squeezes gently, pulling her attention.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Lexa murmurs, turning her hand over and wiggling her fingers. She grins when Clarke’s own hand lands over hers and she entwines their fingers, squeezing softly. “What’s got you so thoughtful?” 

Clarke smiles, reminded just how well Lexa can read her.

“Nothing in particular.” She murmurs. A silence stretches after her words, no longer than a minute. “We’ve come a long way, haven’t we?” 

Lexa nods but before she can verbalize her answer, Clarke continues. 

“I mean, not that I thought we wouldn’t, it’s just-” 

“I understand.” Lexa is quick to say, pulling their hands over and pressing the softest of kisses to Clarke’s. 

“It took us a long time, didn’t it?” Clarke asks, smiling when Lexa hums in response and settles their hands back on Clarke’s thigh. “I’m sorry about that.” Lexa opens her mouth to say something, to remind her that she’s already said sorry one too many times and more is not necessary, but Clarke speaks again before Lexa can find the words. “I know, I know.  _ Stop saying sorry _ .” Clarke tries to mimic the way Lexa sounds, making her laugh out before a small sound from the back of the car startles them both.

Lexa’s gaze shifts to the rearview mirror and Clarke turns to look at their soon in an instant, both of them sighing in relief when they realize he’d just moved positions. 

“But I need you to know Lex-” Clarke starts, her words catching in her throat and it’s for the first time that Lexa glances at her with worry, along with affection and love. “Thank you for not giving up on me.” The words finally get past Clarke’s lips and she bites back a sob she’s been keeping inside for a while. “On us.” 

Suddenly Lexa’s turning on the signal light and pulling up on the side and Clarke looks up at her, confused and slightly dazed, until Lexa’s both hands are on her face and she cups her cheeks gently, leaning in close until they’re only a breath apart.

“You are my life, Clarke Griffin Woods.” She murmurs, lips grazing Clarke’s as she speaks. “I knew the first day I met you that you were  _ it _ for me. No matter how close to it I may have been, I’d have never given up on you.” 

Clarke feels the tears before she even fully processes Lexa’s words. Next thing she knows Lexa’s swiping her thumbs over her cheeks and pulling her in a soft kiss that seems to last until they’re both short on breath. 

“Okay?” Lexa asks, voice barely above a whisper.

Clarke nods, leaning in for another kiss.

“Okay.” 


	8. things you said when you were crying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fair warning, this one's very sad.

Lexa gets a call at three in the morning, the incessant ringing of her phone waking her up from her somewhat restful slumber. She doesn’t even bother checking the caller ID, only one person could call her in the middle of the night.

“Clarke?” She half-whispers, voice raspy with sleep.

“Lex- Lexa, please-” 

Clarke’s voice is cut off by a sob, followed by another, and before she can say anything Lexa’s jumping out of bed, sitting on the edge with her brows furrowed in worry and her fingers twitching because, well, it’s Clarke.

“Clarke, what’s going on?” She asks, her voice still a little scratchy but it clears up as she speaks again. “Are you okay? Where are you?” 

“Lex…” Clarke only calls through the phone and Lexa’s up on her feet in an instant, slipping out of her shorts and grabbing for her clothes, trying to both dress and undress simultaneously. 

“Lexa, I can’t-” She hears Clarke try again but another sob cuts through her sentence and Lexa can almost feel her heart physically ache at the sound.

“Listen to me Clarke.” Lexa says, as soft as she can, pushing her head through her t-shirt as she rushes out of her bedroom, rummaging the dark hallway for her shoes. She sees the light under Anya’s door and knows her sister will be full of questions tomorrow morning but right now nothing matters as much making sure Clarke is okay. “You need to breathe Clarke, please, for me okay?” She pleads, her lips curling in a momentary smile when she hears a barely muttered ‘ _ okay’ _ from the other side of the phone.

There is silence for a minute or two when she listens to Clarke trying to breathe, trying to take a deep breath after a few shorts ones and after she finally hears her succeed in taking one long, deep breath, Lexa smiles a little more fully while she finally all but runs out the door, apartment keys in one hand and phone in the other.

“Okay, good, you’re doing great Clarke.” She murmurs. “Can you talk to me now? Tell me where are you?” She asks again, getting breathy from running down the stairs.

Who in the gods’ name remembered to put an apartment up on the seventh floor? 

And why did her parents have to buy it? 

“I- I’m in my room.” Clarke finally manages to say just as Lexa slams herself against the large front door of the building, rushing out like a fury. “Please, hurry.”

And that’s when Lexa knows she needs to run faster than wind itself. 

So she does. 

She runs, heaving and probably looking like a complete maniac, with her hair all frazzled and gods, she doesn’t even have her glasses on, how is she even seeing anything? But Lexa runs anyway, knows the path to Clarke’s apartment by heart, knows it takes her ten minutes on a usual day but tonight it takes her four and Lexa would congratulate herself if not for the muted whimpers she can hear on the other side of the phone.

“The- The door Clarke, I’m down here, the-” She hears the buzzer before she finishes the sentence and not even a second later she’s running towards the stairs and up to the second floor, taking two stairs at a time until she reaches Clarke’s floor and hears a door down the hall unlock and then open slowly. 

When she reaches the door she allows herself a moment - no longer - to settle down before pushing them open fully. She has to reach out to the door frame to hold herself up when she sees the crumbling state that Clarke is in.

She’s standing in the hallway, staring up at Lexa, with her eyes red and brimming with unshed tears, cheeks stained and puffy, lips trembling as she holds herself leaning against the wall. 

“Lexa!” She sobs out and not a moment later Lexa’s shutting the door and taking the two steps over as Clarke all but falls into her arms, sobbing against her shoulder. “Lexa, he- He-” Clarke tries but then sobs break out of her again and she’s clinging to Lexa for dear life, trying to hold on to her while Lexa’s hands slip around her, safe and warm and comforting, pressing her close to that familiar calm that Lexa brings. “M- my dad, Lexa-” 

Lexa tenses at the mention of Clarke’s father, opening her mouth to ask her what is going on but Clarke sobs out harder than before and Lexa has to ground herself to the floor as well as she can not to fall over when Clarke’s nearly full weight rests against her. 

“My dad is gone!” Clarke cries out, a fresh wave of sobs wailed against Lexa’s shoulder. 

And it’s the moment Lexa knows everything in their life will change. 

“He’s dead, Lexa, he’s-god, fuck, first Wells now dad- Lexa I can’t-” 

“Shhhh, hey, you’re safe. We will get through this.” Lexa murmurs, running a hand softly through Clarke’s hand, the other wound tightly around her waist.

Clarke pulls away for a moment, all but glaring at Lexa, as the words slip from her trembling lips.

“Promise me!” She yells, tears streaming down her face. “Promise me I won’t ever lose you! I- I can’t lose any more people, I can’t- I can’t lose you too!” 

And Lexa nods, murmuring ‘ _ you won’t, Clarke, I’m here for the long haul, you won’t lose me,’ _ and she repeats it countless times, until her tongue feels numb and the words are etched in her heart.

And she stands there, holding her best friend tight and safe, holding her until Clarke’s sobs start to quiet down and Lexa feels her trembling and spent in her arms. She holds Clarke until she can’t almost feel her own legs anymore, until Clarke suddenly moves and wipes at her cheeks, grabbing Lexa’s hand and pulling her towards the bedroom where she curls herself up on the bed and tugs Lexa over, until they’re pressed close to one another and Lexa’s arm is wound around Clarke’s waist.

Lexa holds her till the morning, til the sun peeks through the blinds and Clarke is no longer crying, there is no more tears left in her and she’s just numb and sad and all the light in her eyes has dulled out.

But still she grabs Lexa’s hand when Lexa moves away, she holds her pinky on the way to her mother’s house, and she clings to Lexa when they lay Jake down to his final rest. 


	9. things you said when i was crying

Lexa sniffles, pressing her face in the crook of Clarke’s neck, trying to stop the sobs begging to erupt from her lips.

“I-I can’t believe sh- she would-” 

“Shhhh.” Clarke shushes, softly caressing the back of Lexa’s hair with her other hand wound tight and secure around Lexa’s middle. “Don’t think about it anymore, Lex, I know it’s hard right now but try and push the thoughts away, okay?” 

Lexa tries, she really does. She lets her mind wander someplace nicer, somewhere where her heart doesn’t feel like it weighs a ton of bricks and her mind isn’t filled with images of brown hair and brown eyes, warm and soft and safe. She pushes those thoughts away as far as she can, until the only thing she can remember is the faint trace of the brown colour and nothing else, until her mind can finally move through the fog she’s been in for days, until she actually remembers that beneath all the layers that had built up upon and around her in the past year and a half, Lexa is still only Lexa and she does still have  a heart of her own.

But it all comes crumbling down when her mind decides to remind her of a future they’d been building together, her and Costia, a future filled with brown eyes, soft hands and tiny whispered ‘ _ i love you’s’, _ a future where Lexa couldn’t imagine a life alone anymore, a life where Costia’s smiling face wasn’t there to greet her first thing in the morning and say goodbye last thing before she fell asleep, in her warm embrace.

“Lex, baby, breathe with me, okay?” 

Clarke’s voice pierces through her thoughts, the only lifeline Lexa manages to find in all the chaos and she grips harder, tightening her embrace until she’s practically clutching to Clarke. 

“Come on, one deep breath in-” Clarke says, pulling back just barely so they could look at each other. “And exhale. That’s right, good.” She smiles at Lexa, slipping her hand from Lexa’s hair to her cheek, softly caressing it. “You are so good Lexa. You are worthy, you are valid, you are brave.” Clarke murmurs, staring straight into Lexa’s eyes with the warmest smile Lexa’s ever seen on her face. “You deserve the world Lex and some day, someone will give it to you. Okay?” 

Lexa swallows, nodding. She takes a moment to collect herself, her voice small when she finally speaks a minute later.

“Why does it hurt so much?” She mumbles, staring at Clarke with tears brimming in her eyes again. “Why did she have to do this? She said-” 

Clarke stops her again with an abrupt hug, murmuring a quiet ‘ _ oh Lex’ _ and slipping her arms around Lexa’s shoulders, embracing her tightly. They sway a little from side to side, sitting on Lexa’s bed, and after a few moments longer, Lexa can’t stop the sobs, finally letting herself cry fully. 

Clarke doesn’t try to stop her anymore, she just hold her, safe and soft, rubbing one hand over Lexa’s back and the other running gentle little circles over the back of her head.

“There’s no clear answer Lex.” She murmurs, pressing the softest of kisses to Lexa’s temple before she finally pulls back. “She loved you, I know that thought. I saw it in her eyes, everyone did. But sometimes, I guess… Sometimes love isn’t enough.” Clarke finishes, sighing as the words finally leave her lips. “Sometimes we need to want something badly, sometimes love isn’t enough and you have to fight and I guess, I guess she took the easy way out.” She meets Lexa’s gaze, reaching out to cup her cheeks and wiping at them with her thumbs. 

“Why thought?” Lexa all but sobs out again, lips trembling from the pain she’s holding in. “Why wasn’t I enough?” 

“You  _ are _ , Lexa.” Clarke says, as firm as ever, surprising the both of them with how solid and strong her words sound. “You will always be enough. And Costia did love you, but the love she felt for you wasn’t enough to keep her here. That’s not on you, Lex, that’s not your fault.” Lexa sniffles and Clarke boops her nose softly. “I promise you it’ll get easier. It’ll get better in time. I know it’s not what you want to hear but trust me on this, alright?” 

“Clarke Griffin the relationship expert.” 

Clarke chuckles. “Shut up.” 

Lexa’s lips curl up in the tiniest of smiles.

“You wish.”

Clarke isn’t one for counting victories but this one she’ll happily put under her belt. 


	10. things you said that made me feel like shit

Clarke stares at the two bodies pressed so impossibly close on the other side of the room, swaying to the music and occasionally stumbling before they both dissolve to laughter. She frowns at the image, at the brown locks barely visible in the darkened room but ones she’d always recognize no matter what, she stares from her side of the room, leaning back against the wall with her fifth beer in tact and a cigarette in her other hand. 

“You know, if you stare any longer, you’ll burn a hole through them.” Octavia pipes up from the side, popping up out of nowhere as usual, as the music around them continues to fill up the whole house, the bass thumping through the walls. 

“Shut up, I’m not even looking at them.” Clarke says, taking a drag from the cigarette before turning to meet Octavia’s eyes. “What?” 

“Please, you’ve been staring at them ever since we came here.” She nudges Clarke’s shoulder with her own. “Come on, Monty invited us over for a party, not a night of glaring.” She grins at Clarke. “Let’s go take shots with Raven and Anya.”

“You know Anya hates me.” Clarke mutters but pushes herself off the wall nonetheless, figuring it’s better to just not think about Lexa and the new girl she’s been with for the past two months.

It’s been a lonely two months, Clarke knows, with their classes making them busy and all over the place, with course work that keeps them both busy and away from another, and now there’s Costia, Lexa’s girlfriend of two months that’s somehow made things even worse because in all honesty, Clarke can’t remember a time when she’d had Lexa all to herself for longer than twenty minutes.

(Really, she has, but when has an hour a week alone with your best friend ever been enough?) 

So she follows after Octavia, throwing one last glance over her shoulder and regretting it immediately when she catches a glimpse of Lexa pushing Costia against the wall in a heated kiss, hands wandering to places and hips grinding not that innocently. 

She takes a long swig of her beer in response and hurries to leave the room, feeling a strange flood of relief when she sees Raven already grinning at her from behind the large kitchen island with a bottle of what could only be vodka in her hands.

It’s only hours later that Clarke realizes vodka has never been a good idea and regret seems to be the feeling of the evening as she finds herself standing outside with another cigarette between her fingers, lit and burning away as she forces herself to take deep breaths, trying to calm her upset stomach and the swirling in her head. She leans over the banister on the terrace, nearly stumbling over but gentle arms wrap around her from behind and tug her back, as if rooting her to the spot. She knows it’s Lexa, she’d know it in her dreams, with the way she touches Clarke, the way her breath is warm and soothing behind her ear, the way she chuckles when Clarke tugs herself away from her touch and glares at her when she looks over her shoulder.

“A thank you would be nice, Clarke.” She murmurs in a sleepy voice, all dewey eyed and grinning at her.

“I was fine.” Clarke mutters, words seeping through her teeth. She doesn’t know where this anger comes from, doesn’t know why she’s so full of rage that her best friend has finally found someone that truly makes her happy, someone that she’s been so head over heels for and hasn’t stopped smiling in weeks because of. Clarke doesn’t know why but all she wants is her best friend back, if only for a day, just for old time’s sake. 

“You were about to fall over.” Lexa teases, leaning her hip against the bannister and crossing her arms across her chest.

“I said I was just fine.” Clarke repeats, taking a drag from the cigarette and practically growling when Lexa narrows her eyes at her. “What?” 

“Those are bad for you.” Lexa murmurs, eyeing the cigarette. “I know you know that.”

For a moment, Clarke manages to actually contemplate her words in her inebriated state, she manages to actually give thought to what she’s going to say next but nonetheless, the right words somehow escape her and the anger and rage and jealousy fill their place instead, pouring over and slipping from her lips.

“Yeah well, what the hell do you care, Lexa?” 

And the moment she says them, Clarke knows they’re horrible and wrong and she should apologize and take them back but there’s something, something squeezing at her heart, something that’s making her wish she’d said them with even more bite in her tone so instead she only takes another drag of the cigarette, as if to prove her point, before turning away from Lexa.

“Wow, gee Clarke, it’s as if I’m not your best friend and your well being isn’t something I fucking care about.” 

“Don’t bother Lexa.” Clarke spits, glaring at her before trying to turn on her heels and walk away but she stumbles yet again, finally aware of just how many bottles of beer she’s already had and how much alcohol there truly is in her system. She braces herself for the fall, arms already reaching out to at least shield her face from the fall but just like before, steady arms are on her waist before she even understands what’s happening, grounding her as Lexa pulls her into a tight embrace, all but tucking her against herself as she presses them close.

“You fucking idiot.” She hears Lexa mumble against her ear, against her neck, her hot breath ghosting over Clarke’s skin and for reasons unknown - Clarke blames alcohol - she feels herself flush, the warmth from her chest rising and spreading through her cheeks. 

“Get off me!” She yells, tugging and nudging, trying to wiggle herself out of Lexa’s hold but barely a couple seconds of her struggle seem too tiring for her body, all sluggish and heavy from the booze, so she gives up, letting herself fall back against Lexa’s steady figure. “Why won’t you just let me drink my beer and smoke my cigarettes and fall down in peace?” 

Lexa huffs out a laugh, her hands tucked inside the front pockets of Clarke’s jeans and for a flash of a sober moment she thinks she’d be awfully jealous if she was Costia. But the thought escapes her when Lexa finally starts pulling away, turning her slowly by her shoulders and cupping her cheeks to make Clarke look at her.

“Because you, Clarke Griffin, are the most important person in my life and I don’t want anything bad to ever happen to you again.” She says, the words carrying a much heavier meaning with the past they share, the nights spent crying and holding onto Lexa so vivid in Clarke’s mind now, thanks to Lexa’s words. “Because, unlike someone,-” She raises an eyebrow at that, Clarke manages to notice, “I still care about my best friend even if I am a little drunk, and maybe a little bit stoned.” She says, pushing a stray lock of hair from Clarke’s face, tucking it behind her ear. “Because, even if I do have a girlfriend, and I don’t see you every day anymore, I still love you Clarke. Because you’re my best friend and nothing could ever change that.” 

When she finishes, Lexa gives her a small, sad smile before glancing inside and grinning at something, probably Costia. She leans in for a quick hug, arms wrapped warm and tight around Clarke, right before she rushes past her to get back inside and then she’s gone and out of sight and Clarke doesn’t know what to do with herself.

She takes a swig from the bottle but the beer tastes bitter and stale on her tongue, and the cigarette’s already gone out so she just throws it into the rose bush nearby, groaning when she stumbles on her way inside and hits her ankle weirdly and pain shoots up her leg. 

It’s only later, when she’s split a cab with Raven and dragged herself up to the apartment she shares with her best friend, that Clarke realizes she’s been nothing but a horrible friend ever since Costia stumbled into their lives. 

And she remembers Lexa’s words again as she steps into the shower, letting them hit and slap against her just as the water from the showerhead does. And she slides down against the cold wall, tears mingling with droplets of water, as she soaks in the misery she’s feeling, the misery she’s brought upon herself. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> Hope you'll enjoy this collection of prompts of the little moments in Clarke and Lexa's life scattered throughout various times in their life together (as friends, more than and lovers) [Modern AU].


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